Renumeration and other ungrammatical modalities

Mon, 1 Apr 2002 14:43:31 +0200
From: "MRS: MARIAM SESE-SEKO" <mariam_seseseko@yahoo.co.in>
Reply-To:mariam_seseseko@yahoo.co.in
To: [me]
Subject:ASSISTANCE NEEDED

ATTN: PRESIDENT/CEO

DEAR FRIEND,

I AM MRS. SESE-SEKO WIDOW OF LATE PRESIDENT MOBUTU
SESE-SEKO OF ZAIRE? NOW KNOWN AS DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC
OF CONGO (DRC). I AM MOVED TO WRITE YOU THIS LETTER,
THIS WAS IN CONFIDENCE CONSIDERING MY PRESENT
CIRCUMSTANCE AND SITUATION.

I ESCAPED ALONG WITH MY HUSBAND AND TWO OF OUR SONS
THEOPHILUS AND BASHER OUT OF DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF
CONGO (DRC) TO ABIDJAN, COTE D'IVOIRE WHERE MY FAMILY
AND I SETTLED, WHILE WE LATER MOVED TO SETTLED IN
MORROCO WHERE MY HUSBAND LATER DIED OF CANCER
DISEASE. HOWEVER DUE TO THIS SITUATION WE DECIDED TO
CHANGED MOST OF MY HUSBAND'S BILLIONS OF DOLLARS
DEPOSITED IN SWISS BANK AND OTHER COUNTRIES INTO OTHER
FORMS OF MONEY CODED FOR SAFE PURPOSE BECAUSE THE NEW
HEAD OF STATE OF (DR) MR LAURENT KABILA HAS MADE
ARRANGEMENT WITH THE SWISS GOVERNMENT AND OTHER
EUROPEAN COUNTRIES TO FREEZE ALL MY LATE HUSBAND'S
TREASURES DEPOSITED IN SOME EUROPEAN COUNTRIES. HENCE

MY CHILDREN AND I DECIDED LAYING LOW IN AFRICA TO
STUDY THE SITUATION TILL WHEN THINGS GETS BETTER,
LIKE NOW THAT PRESIDENT KABILA IS DEAD AND THE SON
TAKING OVER (JOSEPH KABILA). ONE OF MY LATE HUSBAND'S
CHATEAUX IN SOUTHERN FRANCE WAS CONFISCATED BY THE
FRENCH GOVERNMENT, AND AS SUCH I HAD TO CHANGE MY
IDENTITY SO THAT MY INVESTMENT WILL NOT BE TRACED AND
CONFISCATED. I HAVE DEPOSITED THE SUM THIRTY MILLION
UNITED STATE DOLLARS(US$30,000,000,00.) WITH A
SECURITY COMPANY , FOR SAFEKEEPING. THE FUNDS ARE
SECURITY CODED TO PREVENT THEM FROM
KNOWING THE CONTENT. WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS TO
INDICATE YOUR INTEREST THAT YOU WILL ASSIST US BY
RECEIVING THE MONEY ON OUR BEHALF.ACKNOWLEDGE THIS
MESSAGE, SO THAT I CAN INTRODUCE YOU TO MY SON
(THEOPHILUS) WHO HAS THE OUT MODALITIES FOR THE CLAIM OF
THE SAID FUNDS. I WANT YOU TO ASSIST IN INVESTING THIS
MONEY, BUT I WILL NOT WANT MY IDENTITY REVEALED. I
WILL ALSO WANT TO BUY PROPERTIES AND STOCK IN
MULTI-NATIONAL COMPANIES AND TO ENGAGE IN OTHER SAFE
AND NON-SPECULATIVE INVESTMENTS. MAY I AT THIS POINT
EMPHASISE THE HIGH LEVEL OF CONFIDENTIALITY, WHICH
THIS BUSINESS DEMANDS, AND HOPE YOU WILL NOT BETRAY
THE TRUST AND CONFIDENCE, WHICH I REPOSE IN YOU. IN
CONCLUSION, IF YOU WANT TO ASSIST US , MY SON SHALL
PUT YOU IN THE PICTURE OF THE BUSINESS, TELL YOU
WHERE THE FUNDS ARE CURRENTLY BEING MAINTAINED AND
ALSO DISCUSS OTHER MODALITIES INCLUDING REMUNERATION
FOR YOUR SERVICES.

FOR THIS REASON KINDLY FURNISH US YOUR CONTACT
INFORMATION, THAT IS YOUR PERSONAL TELEPHONE AND FAX
NUMBER FOR CONFIDENTIAL PURPOSE.

BEST REGARDS,

MRS M. SESE SEKO

Department of things you didn't know you were missing until somebody told you

This kills me. Paul McCartney (Life - decade six. Face - just slightly more recent than his relationship with the underwear model) tells the director of the recently released Lord of the Rings that the Beatles wanted to make the movie thirty-plus years ago, but JRR Tolkein didn't like the idea and wouldn't let them have the rights.

You were wondering, I can tell, so

John - Gollum
George - Gandalf
Ringo - Sam
Paul - Frodo.

Now, I think we're all in agreement that we have Tolkein to thank for sparing us the horror of Paul trying to reach past Winsome in his range of facial expressions, but damn, I'm all sniffy about missing John as Gollum and George as Gandalf. (John picked his own part).

Life: not fair.