common ground

some things I think we can all agree on: a Mad Lib

the new voters who are pouring into the polls in record numbers to vote for [candidate] are a groundswell for change. the new voters who are pouring into the polls in record numbers to vote for [other candidate] are being sucked in by identity politics and will come to their senses before the general

supporters of [candidate] have carefully weighed the issues and the necessary compromises and gamed out the general and have decided that on balance [candidate] represents the best choice as nominee. supporters of [other candidate] just really dig bad stuff

supporters of [other candidate] had better watch their damn mouths. [candidate] and [candidate]'s supporters have taken enough shit from you people

[candidate] isn't responsible for the fact that some of [candidate]'s supporters get a little excited sometimes. it says something about [other candidate] that their campaign has that kind of person representing it in random blog comments

[candidate]'s supporters wanted to keep this on a positive level, but soon were driven unwillingly to righteous rage by the bad faith, intellectual dishonesty and stinky feet of [other candidate]'s supporters

[candidate]'s supporters have feelings too, you know. [other candidate]'s supporters don't.

[candidate] is the only one who speaks for [candidate]. [other candidate] is most clearly seen by a close reading of the words of others

[candidate]'s spouse is kinda annoying sometimes

it's important to keep in mind when assessing their public statements that [candidate] always intends good things, even if that's not quite what comes out of their mouth. [other candidate], on the other hand, is always dealing in bad faith even if they say good things

[candidate] may have voted to the right of where you might like them to be, but they were brilliantly positioning themselves to get into the White House and fix stuff. [other candidate] caves to Republicans

as a supporter of [candidate], I have to hold my nose and make cause with some of [candidate]'s other supporters, because we have to save the country from [other candidate]

[other candidate] is just as bad as a vicious ignorant bigot, which is close enough

too many people have irrational prejudices about [other candidate]. We can't afford not to vote for [candidate]

when viewed through the prism of what we know about [other candidate]'s character flaws, a lot of things which might otherwise be inoffensive look an awful lot like coded bad stuff

have you noticed that right about the time that someone decides to support [other candidate] they become bad people?

[candidate] is a ground-breaking overachiever and a centrist Senator who, despite being from a blue state, spent their first term in office voting to the right of their constituents in an effort to solidify their relationship with the silverbacks in the Senate Leadership with an eye toward running for president. [candidate] has packed their campaign with the usual suspects and will almost certainly govern to the right of where their supporters want them to

[candidate]'s left toe would be a better president than John McCain

the press is going to do their damndest to make sure John McCain beats [candidate]

Amazing, isn't it, how much our candidates have in common?

Aside from their voting records, I mean.