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sisyphusshruggedShatner leads paintball offensive against Borg and Klingons
Here is how the day will begin--or how it's supposed to begin, anyway: First, Shatner-as-Kirk, ever the spry starship stud, will paramotor onto the grounds. Allow him to explain.
"If the weather holds, I will set sail with this 70-pound lawn mower engine on my back, run like hell, float the parasail, gain flying speed and fly into the venue," he says of his gutsy grand entrance.
"It's small, but meaningful."
Shortly thereafter, if all goes smoothly, and even if it doesn't, he will rally the troops from a stage, then march off to his center of operations behind the sturdy log walls of an Old West outpost called Fort Courage, one of the park's seven paintball theme settings (others include Armageddon and The Jungle of Doom). From there, guarded by the "suicide prone" Red Shirt Brigade, he'll dispatch minions to crush the enemy, frequently tromping off with them into the heat of battle.
"Shatner the Actor believes that whatever he can dream up in a script, he can do in real life," smirks Wheeling-based Borg overlord Tom Kaye, a self-proclaimed "Star Trek" purist and president of Airgun Designs, one of the paintball industry's most revered marker manufacturers. "Well, I'm sorry to inform him, but real life is not the way it is in the movies. And if he tries to lead from the front, he will find out why nobody ever wants to do that."
Shatner, though, has seen the light.
"I suggested to the guys running the game that I wanted to lead like a leader, right up front," he says. "And then they did the mathematics for me. There are 2,000 people minimum, hopefully more, so that means approximately 1,400 people are all trying to shoot me. Because, like a prize elk, they want my antlers on their wall. Multiply 20 or 30 paintballs a second times 1,400, and that's how many are coming my way. You know, leading at front may not be the best idea."
Klingon ruler Mancow Muller, one of Chicago's top radio personalities, oozes considerably less bravado than Kaye. Shatner, he proclaims, is "the ultimate alpha male" and "the greatest single living human being on earth."
What the hell, it's for charity.
Alpha Male Shatner reconnoitres
Here is how the day will begin--or how it's supposed to begin, anyway: First, Shatner-as-Kirk, ever the spry starship stud, will paramotor onto the grounds. Allow him to explain.
"If the weather holds, I will set sail with this 70-pound lawn mower engine on my back, run like hell, float the parasail, gain flying speed and fly into the venue," he says of his gutsy grand entrance.
"It's small, but meaningful."
Shortly thereafter, if all goes smoothly, and even if it doesn't, he will rally the troops from a stage, then march off to his center of operations behind the sturdy log walls of an Old West outpost called Fort Courage, one of the park's seven paintball theme settings (others include Armageddon and The Jungle of Doom). From there, guarded by the "suicide prone" Red Shirt Brigade, he'll dispatch minions to crush the enemy, frequently tromping off with them into the heat of battle.
"Shatner the Actor believes that whatever he can dream up in a script, he can do in real life," smirks Wheeling-based Borg overlord Tom Kaye, a self-proclaimed "Star Trek" purist and president of Airgun Designs, one of the paintball industry's most revered marker manufacturers. "Well, I'm sorry to inform him, but real life is not the way it is in the movies. And if he tries to lead from the front, he will find out why nobody ever wants to do that."
Shatner, though, has seen the light.
"I suggested to the guys running the game that I wanted to lead like a leader, right up front," he says. "And then they did the mathematics for me. There are 2,000 people minimum, hopefully more, so that means approximately 1,400 people are all trying to shoot me. Because, like a prize elk, they want my antlers on their wall. Multiply 20 or 30 paintballs a second times 1,400, and that's how many are coming my way. You know, leading at front may not be the best idea."
Klingon ruler Mancow Muller, one of Chicago's top radio personalities, oozes considerably less bravado than Kaye. Shatner, he proclaims, is "the ultimate alpha male" and "the greatest single living human being on earth."
What the hell, it's for charity.
Alpha Male Shatner reconnoitres
