truly I say unto thee, snort

[sisyphusshrugged]

Kaye's back

When you have a sense of what God is trying to get at, you can also tell where he isn't going. Which brings us to Kaye. Ah, sweet Kaye. In the midst of painting George Bush's re-election as the greatest triumph for good since Easter Sunday, she hits us with this, an example of MY FAVORITE THING EVER:

Many are caught up with being a die-hard political party member. They refuse to go outside their party affiliation, and will vote strictly party line, regardless if they know their candidate is supporting abortion, same-sex marriages, and other issues they may not really support in their hearts. The Bible says: "to thine own self be true."

Really? The Bible says that? It doesn't strike me as the sort of thing the Bible would say, but, like I said, I haven't read the whole thing. It could easily have been slipped into the Book of Dennehy or II Piscatawayans and gone undetected by your Editors. But it doesn't sound much like something the Bible would say. The thing about God is that he doesn't like to delegate, and he loves to micromanage. If you were just supposed to follow your heart, there really wouldn't be any need for 6,000 page of rules about mixed fabrics and what not to covet and on and on. Really, does anyone's heart tell them not to eat pork? (Pre-triple bypass, I mean.) Because I don't know about anyone else, but my heart is saying "pass the bacon." My heart is saying that the best way to spend the sabbath is semi-conscious on the couch in a pork chop-induced stupor, flipping back and forth between "COPS" and "True Hollywood Stories" with ham-sticky fingers. So I could see John Lennon telling you "to thine own self be true," or maybe the Bacon Advisory Board, but the Bible? Kind of a stretch.

As it turns out, we were all wrong. It was Shakespeare. That, I could believe. There is a handy list at that link of things that people think are in the Bible, but aren't, most of which are a lot more probable than "doowutchyalike". But, like I said, this is MY FAVORITE THING EVER: getting pious lectures from devout Christians who haven't even bothered to read the Cliff Notes to the Bible. And it happens constantly. As an athiest, I try my best to refrain from getting into theological arguments, but, just so you know: no, Jesus would not have lived in a mansion and worn designer clothes. Jesus has more important things to worry about than your diet. And, contrary to the cartoon version of the Adam and Eve story I saw on the Jesus Channel, Adam did not leap in slow motion to slap the apple out of Eve's hand, but just miss by a few millimeters, because then Man's fall from grace would be a story about the long jump, and not about disobeying God, which would kind of ruin 4000+ years of Judeo-Christian teaching a little teeny bit. Also, while the Bible is silent about the serpent's nationality and sexual preferences, I strongly doubt that he was gay and British, and that he wore a cravat and sang Noel Coward-esque tunes about how yummy the knowledge of good and evil would be. Although, now that I think about it, Genesis would be a lot cooler if he did.

In honor of Kaye, I've compiled a short list of things which people might think are in the Bible, but which actually aren't...

Comments

[lawgeekgurl.livejournal.com]

bwah!

This made my afternoon. Truly.

[linaerys.livejournal.com]

Oh man, I just had to write to that site. I'm sure it won't do any good at all, but it was fun. I said:

Regarding this column: http://www.renewamerica.us/columns/grogan/041110, "To thine own self be true" was said by Polonius in Hamlet in Act 1, Scene 3. If this woman is to lecture us about the Bible and politics, perhaps it would help her to know what is actually written in the Bible.

[linaerys.livejournal.com]

I mean I wrote to the woman who wrote the orignal column, not the inimitable Kaye.

[jmhm.livejournal.com]

Oh, Kaye's the woman who wrote the column. The writer at the Poor Man is The Editors.

I'm actually fairly sure that's grammatically correct, too. My, I enjoyed that.

If you haven't spent any time with Kaye, go here (http://www.thepoorman.net/mt-search.cgi?IncludeBlogs=1&search=Kaye) and read up from the bottom, at the leopard taffeta sack of truth™

You won't be sorry. Trust me.

[linaerys.livejournal.com]

Ah, confusion resolved. Then I like "The Editors" for pointing it out, and Kaye is dumber than Alicia Silverstone in Clueless, who wasn't really that dumb, but if she knew it, why the heck doesn't Kaye. Thanks for the link! That is comedy gold.

[padraig-pearse.livejournal.com]

It might also be worth mentioning that Polonius, who speaks the line, is also a tiresome fool. Shakespeare may well have meant us to see this as bad advice.

to thine own self be true

[(Anonymous)]

This above all: to thine own self be true; And it must follow, as the night the day; Thou canst not then be false to any man.
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616), 'Hamlet,' Act I, Scene iii