snort.

[sisyphusshrugged]

via Patrick: the latest metaphorical forcemeat from David Brooks

In today's breakfast-cereal age, there are two types of people in the world, those who like to look into their bowl at a sea of desiccated marshmallows, and those who prefer an unsweetened alternative made from whole-grain oats. I call them the Lucky Charmers and the Cheerioians.

Lucky Charmers hold their spoons overhand-style and make slurping noises as they eat. Sometimes, they even try to pluck the marshmallows out with their fingers, because the marshmallows bob up and down in the milk, which makes it very hard to get them out with just a spoon. Sometimes, they don't even pour the cereal into a bowl and eat right out of the box.

Cheerioians, on the other hand, often eat their cereal entirely unadorned, even with sliced banana or strawberries. They use bowls from Pottery Barn, hold their spoons correctly, and read a major metropolitan newspaper or watch cable news while eating their breakfast cereal. They are lured by the boxes that promise lower cholesterol or healthier colons. They often drink orange juice from a glass, or coffee out of a mug.

Lucky Charmers prefer apple juice and drink out of a sippy cup. On occasion, they will even fling their cereal bowl over their heads and shriek, "Wheeeeeeeee!" They are free spenders, preferring a wind-up toy to a money-saving coupon in the bottom of the box. They watch SpongeBob, during which they giggle.

Sometimes, a Cheerioian will abandon cereal altogether and grab a bagel as they run out the door. Increasingly often, the Cheerioian won't even have time for breakfast. A Lucky Charmer who has skipped breakfast is nothing to trifle with.

A close look by a disarming columnist/commentator/author at the issues facing the candidates this year shows that one of these groups may decide the upcoming election. That group is the Cheerioians, because the Lucky Charmers are six years old, and therefore cannot vote. More importantly, they can't read my columns, which unerringly describe the shape and fabric of the America that exists inside my own head.

Comments

This is just wrong

[bellatrys.livejournal.com]

You *can't tell* satire from serious these days. Because Bobo Brooksie did just put out something this fatuous, with his "paragraph people" vs "spreadsheet people," obviously not having learned anything by being publicly corrected for making stuff up re dining habits in rural states.

Meanwhile Fafnir takes on Supply-Side Santa, the Medium Lobsster explains how Optimism conquers Pessimism, and Giblets hides behind the sofa with his pitchfork and torch lest the Muslims come and get him...while Cat Stevens is refused entry, because we all know how dangerous Islamic musicians are, can't be too careful--

Re: This is just wrong

[jmhm.livejournal.com]

see, this is what I love about fafblog.